Thursday, July 1, 2010

How to get Fat FAST

I had a really hard time gaining weight with this kid. I had gone down like 5 lbs after battling with that bastard, morning sickness and when it finally went away I could still eat to my heart’s desire and the scale wouldn’t move. It was becoming a real bitch, especially when my Dr. kept asking me if I had an eating disorder and that I should “work on” gaining some weight.
At our 24 week appointment I had only gained 2 measly pounds and I could tell he was really going to bring the axe down on me. Are you eating enough? Yes duh. How often do you exercise? Never. Do you have an eating disorder? No stupid. And so began Operation Fat Ass.

First I started adding 3 meals a week of a deep fried buffet and it was heavenly. Deep friend oreos, deep friend cauliflower, a failed attempt at deep friend green beans (give up the secret TGI Fridays!), bite size pizza thingies, onion rings, sweet potato fries and anything else I could batter or buy pre-battered. I wasn’t pissing around anymore, I was going to be fat. And just in case the deep fried foods didn’t do it I started myself on a cheesecake regimen. 2 slices of chocolate cheesecake in the morning and 2 slices of Turtle cheesecake after dinner on 4 separate days. Now I was getting somewhere.

When we went to our next prenatal visit, just 18 days after the last I had gained 5 LBS! It was pretty shocking to hear the number after so many “No gain” or “Up half a pound!”s but it was like I had set out to do something and I did it! Even if my goal was to get fat.

Hubs confessed to me two nights ago that he’s glad I’m not a total porker (even after the 5 lbs.), that he thought that I would get “fat in the face” and gain 60 lbs like his mom did when she was knocked up with him. The love fest didn’t end there either, he wanted to make sure I really got what he was trying to say and continued on about how my belly wasn’t “jiggly” and if I jumped I wouldn’t look like a bowl of Jello. So romantic.


BeeHive said...

Ok, so this is something that has me totally baffled lately! One of my good friends is going through the same thing right now. If you're eating healthy and everything is going ok, why is it a big deal to the docs that you're not gaining "enough" weight? What's wrong with listening to your body's signals to tell you when you're hungry? Is overeating fried food really good for your health or the babes? I'm sure I'm totally missing the point, but what's wrong with a woman listening to what her body is telling her? It's all so fascinating to me :)

Anonymous said...

Haha glad you found the cure to gaining weight during pregnancy. I have a feeling this will NOT be a problem I face whenever I decide to bear kids.

Raquel said...

I don't know what the eff is up with Drs but I try to listen to mine because I don't know shit about being pregnant. But when it comes time to delivery, he can suck it because he doesn't know shit about that.

For me eating some fried food was unhealthy but me freaking out about not weighing enough and stressing myself (and the baby) out was just as unhealthy.


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