Saturday, September 11, 2010

Gross. Exciting, but Gross.

Mucus plug, was that you?

It sure as heck was. I googled it to be sure and sure enough my mucus plug has left the building. I have never been so excited by vag discharge in my life. I’m trying not to get too excited since it can mean labor might happen in 40 minutes or be as long as 2 weeks away. And it can grow back. So there is really no way to predict when labor will begin when you’ve lost it. Bastard.
But I’m still excited, I feel like I made progress since my cervix is dilated enough to not be able to keep it in anyway. Go cervix!

J and I decided that today seems like a good day to be in labor. Not to have the baby, but to be in labor. Preferably around 6 pm, after my FIL and SMIL visit. We even both took turns telling the baby this crap this morning. It was on the list of natural ways to induce labor…telling your baby s/he is welcome to come. And it was way easier than milking myself again.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

No Poo Challenge

Not that poo. Shampoo.

I was reading up on how to manage curly/wavy hair since mine is naturally wavy. Kind of. Like that girl from the new 90210 but less full and nice looking. So since I’ll have a baby soon and I don’t think I will have time to blow dry and straighten my hot mess of a head. And who wants to waste time at the mirror when you have a baby to dress up in tiny little outfits anyway? Not me.

So the girls on the curly hair site were talking about the no poo method and I read like a
sentence before I decided that that was weird and gross and I’ll just find some miracle product that will make my hair look sexy and tousled. Except miracle products are hecka expensive and I like money. I would much rather spend money on the previously mentioned little outfits for the baby. I mean, have you been to Baby Gap? If I weren’t such a cheap bastard I would totally buy up everything they carry right out of the store instead of waiting until next year after the rich moms bring it to the consignment store and I can scoop it up on the cheap. But anyway…

Then today I was reading a “green” mom blog and she tried the no poo method for like a day or something and then ripped it to shreds. Still, I was interested and googled it and eventually came across a thread on my cloth diapering site where all these women were no pooing and after the detox period, they were loving the shit out of it. And then this blog, which was helpful and convincing. So I’m going to try it.

Here’s the skinny. Shampoo and conditioner have chemicals and crap in them and they strip your hair of its natural oils. So the no poo method is all about getting back to your mane’s natural state and then it will be not weighed down and soft and pretty and all this other good shit. So you use a baking soda and water concoction to wash your hair and then an apple cider vinegar and water rinse and then poof after the detox period your hair is nice looking and healthy. I guess the detox period sucks because your hair is all like “WTF is this shit? Where is that cherry blossom crap you usually douse me in?” and then it gets pretty greasy as it gets restored to its natural state. But after that then your hair will be all voluminous and clean.

You’re supposed to use 1 T. of Baking Soda (BS) and mix it with some water until it’s a consistency you are comfy with scrubbing your head with. Some like a paste but I added more water so it would spread evenly. Then you massage your head in it and rinse. Then you mix 1 T. of Apple Cider Vinegar (ACV) with a cup of water and then rinse your hair (not scalp) in that and rinse. Easy, right?

Now obvs I’ve only done it once at this point but my hair feels totally different. After the baking soda scrub I noticed that my hair felt softer and I am totally not making this shit up. It’s not like Arm & Hammer is paying me to say this, so you can trust me. But, when it came time for the apple cider vinegar rinse, it went downhill. That’s probably because I used cold water and it was a real shock when I’m all warm and comfy and then I douse myself in cold stinkiness. Don’t do what I did, use warm water. At least it will be warm stinkiness.

My hair is currently drying and my waves aren’t sad little end of the strand waves either, they start at my crown which is nice and my hair is drying way faster. It does smell a little like ACV but I read that once it’s fully dried that it doesn’t smell, in case you were wondering. It’s only day one and obvs my hair isn’t detoxing yet so I will keep you updated on how things are going since this is the only thing I can do to pass the time before my due date.

Have you heard of No Poo? Have you tried it?

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Don't. Get. Pregnant.

I am going to be pregnant forever. F-O-R-E-V-E-R. That lady that was pregnant for 49 years? That’s totally going to be me…minus the stone baby. Never get pregnant. Ever. Everytime I poo I think to myself “This might be the last poo I take as a baby-free woman” since apparently you poop before you go into labor. Or oooh, I think that’s what a menstrual cramp feels like but I’m not really sure since it’s been so damn long since I even had a period, maybe I’m in labor?!

Like two weeks ago I legitimately thought I was in labor. At like 4 in the morning I had horrible cramping and I laid in bed trying to sleep through it but they were too painful. I was so pumped that this was probably it. Go time. I snuck out of bed and “labored” in the living room and then decided to take a hot bath to ease the pain and wait to get Jordan up since it was like 5:30 am. Finally I thought things were bad enough to wake him up so I got out. Then I had diarrhea. Do you know what it’s like to think you are finally about to pop out the kid you have been preparing for for one hundred years and then deliver liquid poop? It is not fun. In fact, it’s actually really embarrassing. But I tell you this crap so that you don’t get your hopes up because it’s probably just a bowel movement.

And we have another baby appointment tomorrow morning with Dr. Potato Head. At least the nurse gave me the heads up that every time Dr. PH and I see each other now, he’s going to be violating me. You know how you clean and tidy your house when you know people are coming over so you don’t embarrass yourself when a pet hair tumbleweed blows across your floor or your sink is full of dishes? Let me just tell you, it’s not fun knowing you’re going to be having visitors down there when you don’t even know what the state of your downstairs is. Or that you have developed some sickly looking stretch marks on the underside of your belly. That you couldn’t see and were blissfully unaware of. Until your husband told you. And advised you to bust out the cocoa butter.

I wish besides the morning sickness I would have not have had a relatively easy pregnancy because I have been totally caught off guard lately. Friggen end of pregnancy. Stupid fat feet, effing maternity pants that are too comfy, god damn punched in the vagina feelings, son of a bitching diarrhea labor, to hell with stretch marks you couldn’t even see and suck it sleepless nights. This is some real bull.

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