The Baby Excuse

One of the best things about being pregnant and then having a baby is that you can blame the baby for EVERYTHING. It’s amazing and I totally recommend getting pregnant if you have a family reunion you want to pass on or are really in the mood for cheesecake or something. It took me a like 4 months until I realized I had this power so I have to have another baby to really benefit from it.

The hubster is one of five kids and his Mom is one of like nine so you can only imagine all of the family events we’re dragged to every month. The bright side is there’s always quite a spread of food made mostly with cream cheese, whipped cream, sour cream or really any kind of pudding. But there are times when even the food isn’t worth the 5 hours I had to spend being an awkward asshole because I don’t really mesh with his people. Then I got pregnant and I got smart. Now we can dip out early when I feel dizzy or I can pretend the baby never kicks so that they have to keep their fat dirty fingers off of me. See? Get pregnant, it works and there’s always something new you can use as an excuse. Like gas.

I’m not sure what card I’m going to play for this weekend’s torture. We have to go to a Welcome Back from Germany/ Fourth of July/ Engagement Party and the activities include German wine tasting, volleyball and probably a whole bunch of other fun stuff that I can’t do. Probably roller coasters or waterslides and a soft cheese bar.