Two Crazy Families Become One

Like I said, our wedding was super uncomfortable and weird. Even with our tiny 40 person guest list of pretty much just our family. Or maybe it was because it was just family. Whatever, we wanted to be married and at the end of the day it happened. Success.


And so begins what is really just a photo tour so you can put a face to a name and keep all the crazies straight.
This is my favorite photo from the whole thing. That’s Naked Grandma trying to figure out who the hell that is up there getting married. That’s Napping Grandma next to her, who really kept it together. Maybe she had a nap before? That’s my other Grandma, the only one who Jordan calls by her real name since she’s 96 and it still all there. Oh and that person mesmerized by her cell phone is my pill dispensing sister. She was probably high on Ritalin.

Oh, here’s a pretty good representation of what a space cadet my Dad is. My Stepmom sent him to get a card for us, his only task for the day, she even bought his damn outfit for him. It was a pretty nice card and I thought “Wow, my Dad really does love me” then I snapped out of it when I read the last part, “Happy Anniversary”. My own father didn’t even read the damn card. Thanks Dad.

This is my Dad’s family. That lady in black on the left side who has the deer in headlights look is my Uncle’s hot 80’s girlfriend and J and i are convinced that she’s actually passed out. She’s got some medical something or other and at every get together, without fail she has some sort of episode and slumps over or her eyes roll back in her head. We all think she’s faking but we don't shun he since we like to see what 80's fad she will represent next.

That person who is not me that is kissing my new husband is my best friend Stube. She and Jordan love each other and anytime she calls he gets all effing giggly like a damn school girl and then they use me to relay their plans to leave their wife/boyfriend so they can run away together. J wanted to just give her my ring but decided against it when he learned she likes princess cuts instead.

Cougster (in the Coral dress) had just gotten back from rehab and she snuck off to have some wine where no one would see her. But here is a much anticipated photo of her. Here’s the Cougster caught with a drink. And the purse/potential diaper bag under her seat that FO and I are battling over. Isn’t it beautiful?

Here is a photo of all the Cougster's cubs and cubette. That big one is the infamour Brad and the girl in front of him is his wife, FO. The little lady is Cubette, the fellow Ginger on the left side is B3 and the man in black on the right is B4.

Here’s our father/daughter dance…in which I grilled my Dad about what they did the night before. You can see my reactions and my Dad, trying (unsuccessfully) for the last time to calm me down and try to convince me it was totally harmless fun. Right.

This is my Mom, the one who planned our whole wedding because my pregnant ass was not up to the task. She spent an entire month and a half planning and the entire day making sure it was the most magical day of my life. This is her “Are you happy?” face. Love my Mom. She’s normal.

Here's my maternal Grandma. She’s pretty normal except she’s a Cougar too. The object of her affection? Jordan’s Dad. She’s been in love with him since she met him at my high school graduation party and asks Jordan how he’s doing every time we see her. This is me trying to talk to her, wanna guess who she’s looking at? Her love muffin.

Here are the love birds having a swinging good time dancing together during “It’s Raining Men”. And there are the women folk appalled by her behavior. You can't see it in the photos but she is wearing a leopard print shirt that was dangerously sexy.

I almost forgot Space Stepdad. Here’s he and my Mom. Looks a little bit off, right? Remember those folders with the dogs with the huge head and little bodies? Our photographer was channeling that guy.

So hopefully you'll be able to keep track of everyone since you've seen their mugs. And so concluded our photo tour. I don't even think you need a comment prompt on this one.