Baby Shower 3

The baby shower was fun. Except the part where we played games that made me feel like a crap mom. We played some game that was like a crossword without the blanks to fill in. There was a clue and the answer was a part of a baby. For example: Part of an apple. The answer was skin. Or Weatherclock as the clue and the answer was vein. I got 15 out of 39. It was effing hard and I seriously questioned my ability to raise a baby when I can't even think of parts of one.

But it wasn't as hard as the next game, the Nursery Rhyme game. The host asked questions about nursery rhymes and you had to think of the rhyme and then answer the question. Like the question would be “What did Mary have?” and the answer would be lamb. Except they weren’t even nursery rhymes that I have even heard of like Mary Had A Little Lamb. There was some bull about Sunday’s child or some crap and rodents. Then someone pointed out that I was "too young" to know them since that was probably before my time. It was total bull and I’m convinced that the game was selected just to make me look like a dumbass. It probably would have been less embarrassing to play the toilet paper game where they try to guess how fat I am.

Like, who plays those games? I’ve never even heard of those damn games. Where the eff was Baby Bingo and the melted candy bar in a diaper game? Apparently not at my baby shower, apparently they play those games at baby showers where the games organizer doesn’t have beef with the mom-to-be.

Speaking of beef. There was none. THANK GOD. Jordan’s family loves them some hot beef. Every friggen family get together the main course is hot beef sandwiches. It’s not even like Arby’s (which I also hate) it’s shredded beef with no seasoning. None. It is the most tasteless dish I have ever had and yet his family is all over that shit. And I guess you put mayo and cheese on it and viola, dinner. I don’t get it. Then again, when there are forty people to feed hot beef is pretty cost effective. I hosted the fall party and did hot beef but at least I made it BBQ flavored. You should have heard his family, it’s like I was god damn Paula Deen with that shit. All fancy with taste and crap. Do you know people who make hot beef or is this a Podunk Wisconson person thing? Like cocktail weenies. They were there and they were a hit. Nothing oozes class and sophistication like a cocktail weenie doused in some sort of maple syrupy sauce. I know that bite sized weenies have to be a Wisconsin specific food. I can’t really imagine Bethenny Frankel with a plate of them or Amber from Teen Mom for that matter. At least you can say “weenie” all day and not be judged for it.

Mean games and weenies aside, it was a really good time. I have nothing to talk about than the baby since I have no life so it was really convenient to be at a soiree that was about me being fat/pregnant. And when I had had enough talking it was nice to be able to keep stuffing my face full of cupcakes and tuna salad. That’s what I would like to do at most of the get togethers when I have nothing to talk about or try to avoid someone I don’t like but it’s much easier to do when you can play the pregnant card. Try it, you’ll like it.