Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Brain Dump and Brad Gets Owned

Pregnancy makes me a cranky bitch. Okay, I was a cranky bitch before but at least now I have an excuse. I’m fat. I can’t see my vagina and I’m constantly disappointed in myself, like last night after I ate 3 Triple Chocolate Chunk muffins and a burrito. In an hour.

Sunshine Ass also makes me cranky. Like yesterday when she fucking FB statused about how she was in the hospital because she was “in labor” but she and her stank eyed husband “convinced baby R to wait at least 3.5 more weeks” until he tried to escape from her body again. Dude, haven’t you read about Braxton Hicks? I mean, I think my insurance should send me a god damn award for not making them process some bull shit claim because I’m an idiot.

On a less pissed off note, J quit coddling his brother and told him what’s what and who’s the effing boss. Me. I guess Brad tried to make some bullshit excuses and be a baby and Jordan told him to “put on his big boy pants” or he wasn’t going to talk to him. It turned me on.

My Hubster was on a power trip after his successful talk with baby Brad because he really gave it to him and even said that if Brad’s shit continues or starts back up again, he wants nothing to do with someone who is going to disrespect us. Us he said. Can you believe this shit? Like all of a sudden he grew a penis and took charge.

It didn’t even end there either. He got home and cleaned the cat box, did laundry, sanded down the changing table, gave Rubi a bath and made muffins. Impressive huh? Oh did I mention HE MISSED HIS FAVORITE TV SHOWS?! You know how much we both love TV right?! He told me that he realized that he was being a crap husband and was going to change.

Besides eating myself sick on muffins, it was the best night in a long time. Until he tried to get a little nooky. Then we did the "You're not getting any" dance for a while and then I went to fake sleep. So I guess it did turn out to be a good night. For me anyway.


Brandy said...

Virtual high five for Jordan and double high fives combined with low double fives and some fist bumps for you!

You deserve the victory muffins. Heck I'm going to go get myself a victory muffin.

Raquel said...

@Brandy- I'm drunk with pregnant woman meltdown power! Fuck yes, I am going to have a third victory muffin this morning.

Laura said...

Yay! That is all. SO GLAD that things are going well on the Jordan/Brad front.

KimR said...

Hell to the yeah!! Did you hypnotize Jordan in his sleep???

Betsy said...

Go Jordan!! That's awesome!! Glad things are good!!

Oph said...

Yay! Maybe whatever happened to him and his underwear saturday night-sunday morning made him realize he had to man up :) Congrats! It's awesome that he not only told Brad off but that he did all those household things! Woohoo! P.S. those muffins sounded delicious! You totally deserved them.

Raquel said...

@Laura- It's like I live a real life fairytale now.

@KimR- I wish I had that power. However, pregnancy meltdowns work in the same way I guess.

@Betsy- Def GO JORDAN!

@Oph- I deserved A muffin, not three. But the baby wanted the other two. She's a future fattie too.

Miranda said...

You think J read the blog secretly and realized he was about to have 100 bitches knocking down his door, kicking his ass, and then going to kick Brad's ass?

Raquel said...

@Miranda- I asked him and he said no. Maybe because he did read it but didn't want to admit how scared he was of a band of angry women.


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