Glad That's Over.

I knew we were those kind of friends. Because we’re awesome. I’d also like to point out that if I pull that disappearing act shit again, feel free to kick me in the taco. Really, I will just stand in front of you, taco ready to take a kick. I would deserve it. Maybe two kicks.

Tacos aside, my Jellybean takes up 90% of my time, you know, when she’s not playing by herself with that one toy that makes me want to punch myself in the ear. HATE that toy.

And let me tell you, this kid is a handful. She has quite the attitude. Slapping toys or food away, pushing people away from her, screaming at the cats. Obvs she gets it from Jordan, such a drama queen. Bahahaha.

ACTION SHOT: Slapping away Grandpa

It’s totally true when they say that you life is O.V.E.R when the start crawling. Into everything. Your tampons? All over the floor! Your bra? Dragged out from the laundry basket into the living room, right in the line of sight for the neighbor to see when she drops off the paper. Thanks Jillian. At least she and the cats have come to an agreement about their changed relationships now that she can bother them whenever (all 4 of them).

Now she walks around on furniture and take a few steps when she thinks we’re not looking. I sorta wanna push her down*. I mean, it sounds bad but I just am not ready for that yet. Talking though? That’s alright. Jillian’s very first word was “Monser” or monster in adult language. Who’s kid’s first word is monster? That’s right, my kid. It’s my fault though. The big, mean kitty (Hitch) always hangs out under her crib so I lift up the crib skirt and ask her “Where’s the monster?” (Greaaaaat parenting right, teaching my kid that there are monsters under her bed) and she squishes her little head down and looks under the bed for him. So that’s the reason for the odd choice of first word on her part. She also says “What is that?” TO EVERYTHING. I’m pretty sure she doesn’t know that she is really asking a question but I figure what the hell, I’ll throw ya a bone. It’s a curtain.

Oh, remember how I was all “I’m going to cloth diaper and make baby food so I can make you feel like you are a bad mom since you don’t do these things that are so good for your baby!” Well you have the baby and you realize things are about to get real and that having your sanity is a little higher on the priority list.

Post Donut Sharing Session

And currently she’s eating a previously frozen sausage from a box while watching some stupid show with some pigs in a disposable diaper (hey, at least it’s Earth’s Best). Yeah, my baby watches TV while eating. We’re awesome parents. Rereading that, just though I should point out that she’s not eating a whole sausage, I broke it in half for her. Kidding, I cut it up into little, choke hazardless pieces. Winning.

*Clearly I am not going to ever push my own kid down, but I’d be lying if the thought didn’t cross my mind. If you are appalled by this, you just wait until you have a kid and have to run to the bathroom just to get a head start on him/her just to have some alone time. Don’t worry, they always seem to crawl in and make it just in time to try to pull themselves up on your pants, then fall because the pants fall since they’re around your ankles and then they’re crying because they fell (the baby, not the pants) and you’re dripping pee all over the seat and the back of your friggen’ pants. Not all that ridiculous now, right?